keep your enemies closer......

So everyone has those people in their office that just can't get along, right? They are both good people, and try to do their jobs well, but try as they may, they cannot get along. I think we have some great examples from modern TV.... (Michael and Toby from The Office being an amazingly funny one!)

Well..... the office I work in is no different..... Let me set the stage for you (*names have been altered to protect the innocent). Let me introduce the combatants.

In this corner we have a lady from Nepal in my office, she is one of those people that makes you wonder how she got her job in the first place. She has had about 10jobs in the last 10 years and runs almost every company she gets affiliated with into the ground. She knows the answer to every question, has all the best ideas, and blames a specific department for every shortcoming of the company. We lovingly call her the Princess.

In the other corner we find our Panamanian friend, who has been working in corporate America since her kids were in highschool. She has a masters degree, came to our company from a respected company, and is very giving. This is the kind of lady you want to be your mother in law (or one lady in our office does in particular).

Try as they may, the Pamananian and the Princess cannot get along. They argue about who left dirty dishes in the sink, who dropped what ball on a particular project etc. Let me give one example:

The Princess was in charge of all customer announcements that went out for the first several months of her employ, until one day it was decided that that particular duty would be handeled by the CS department. One sticking point though...... no one told the CS department they were in now in charge of the announcements that had to go out in about 30 minutes! The Princess blamed everyone else but herself for the miscommunication . Over came the Pamamanian.

Panamanian: Hey, uhm did you know that CS cannot do your job for you? It's now 30 minutes before the announcement goes out, and you cannot stay to do it because you have a party to go to??

Princess: That's right.... I told their boss about this this morning. It's not my fault. I have an important birthday party to be to tonight, my own (oh yea, I forgot, it's the Princess' birthday when this happens)

Panamanian: You have been floating along, doing nothing and pushing work on other for far too long now!

After that, they would argue every so often about who dropped what ball, and who messed up etc. Names were tossed around. The Panamanaian wasn't a good Christian. The Princess had no idea what she was doing and was ill qualified. But then, about 2 weeks ago, a miracle happened..... They started talking cordially! They see each other and compliment each other on their jobs well done, and engage in chit chat! What happened? Did they decide to bury the hatchet? Did they come to some agreement about office civility?

Some things my friends, like Area 51, Bigfoot and what really is in Twinkie filling will always remain a mystery. But i think this is summed up best by a familiar phrase from the Godfather II
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"

Best reason to call off of work.....

Well, everyone knows someone who called in "sick" even though they weren't, right? I mean.... come on, we all do it from time to time. Either we view or lives as too stressful, our favorite team made the playoffs (go Cardinals!), or our neighbors dog is getting married, us Americans like finding an excuse for slacking off.

Speaking of..... here's a few good reason I found online that you can use if you feel the urge to miss a day of work:

1. I have to get my car to the shop. If I don’t get it there in half an hour it’ll be locked out all weekend. (Don’t use if boss seems wide awake).
2. I got my fingers stuck together with Krazy Glue.
3. I have been asked to serve on a presidential advisory panel.
4. I have to take my biological clock in for service.
5. I’m having my eyes checked this noon, and they put drops in them so I won’t be able to work afterwards. (I have used this one in the last month)

But yesterday, we heard THE BEST excuse ever..... my uvula is swollen to almost twice its normal size. Everyone knows what their uvula is right? It's the dangly ball thingy in your throat that people seem to confuse for their tonsils all the time. (Remember when Chowder said ..... its' Uvula? must be a girl house)

I think it always best to use words that would confuse your supervisors or co workers when calling out sick.

Don't want to lift a heavy box in your warehouse position? try "I have suffered a slightly lacerated phalanges"
OR
"I am suffering from constant contractions of my diaphragm" is one that will draw quizzical looks from people and get you out of that nasty presentation you have to do...

But when the doctor prescribes ibuprofin at the instacare, we have learned that a swollen uvula is the best way to get out of work period.